Czech us out, we’re a funny people!

Oh, Czech humor! Late-night translations of some of Ivan Mládek’s best:

1) So, a patient walks into a doctor’s clinic, and his head is absolutely smashed into pieces. The doctor stares at him. “What happened to you?!” he asks. “Well,” the guy replies, “just imagine! I got run over by a car; then I got run over by a motorbike; then, a bus hit me, see; then I got run over by a horse, then a swan, then a pig, and then the f**kers finally decided to stop the merry-go-round!”

2) A high-ranking communist official meets a poor Czech guy in the street. The Czech guy’s carrying a newspaper. “Got anything new and interesting in the newspaper there, comrade?” the official asks, making small-talk. The poor Czech man replies, “My dinner!”

3) So, a guy’s tied up to a pole by some barbarians; they’re about to kill him. The guy looks up to the heavens, and says, “God, I’m totally done for, right?” God looks down to him, and says, “No, my son. Not yet! Look – there’s a stone at your foot. Bend down a little, nudge it over to you with your foot, and pick it up; when the chief walks past, whack him across the head with it!” So, the man takes heed – he picks up the stone, moving it carefully with his foot, and holds it to him; when the chief walks past, he swiftly whacks him across the head with it as the remaining barbarians watch, seething. He then looks back up to God expectantly. “And now, my son,” says God, “now you’re totally done for!”

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Attempts at Humor, Czech. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s